Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
