are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
