I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
