I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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