I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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