Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
