I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
