Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
