Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
