if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
