I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
