so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
