lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
