Welp...herpes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
