Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
