If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
