good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
