My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
