i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
