At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
