My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
