Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
