I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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