aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
