I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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