bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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