so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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