Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
