You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
