You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
