I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
