i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
