I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
