Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
