He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
