You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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