My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
