She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
