you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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