dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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