I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
