bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she peed on how many people?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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