Welp...herpes.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
