I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
