So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So much rum. So many feels.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
