Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
