The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
