Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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