Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
