Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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