one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
