all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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