Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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