she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
