pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
