this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sex in a hospital.. check
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
