I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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