stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
